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The Horsemen of the Apocalypse Always Ring Twice



My newest and current project, evolving slowly but steadily at the moment. It's the first satire, or rather humorous full-length-novel, so I'm new to this topic. But the plot offers a lot of possibilities.
I finished about the first 10,000 words, so it is nowhere near to be finished but at least it is a steady beginning...

Here's a little extract (not really representative, but brandnew):

“Dude, that’s horrible. Didn’t he like... warn you?”
“Warn me about what?”
“That he intended to die, stupid!”
“I... uhm... what? How do you intent to die? He was obviously kill...” Harold began but remembered that George’s death was officially an accident. “I mean he slipped in his shower and died.”
“Yeah, as I said. So why didn’t he warn you? So you would be prepared for the bad news.”
“He did not kill himself, he died in an accident.”
“However, it would have been a courtesy to inform you about that before it happens. I would be pissed for sure if that happened to me!”
Harold thought about two seconds if his conversational partner meant the act of dying or the act of not being informed. But then he realised, it was not really worth of any thoughts. Not at all.
The person standing face to face with him was Einstein.

His name was not really Einstein as that was just how he was called in the office. And nobody knew why, it is only known that somebody once gave him that name and that it referred to Albert Einstein.
Maybe it was because at one office party he tried to crack a joke about Einstein, screwed up at the punch line, and not a single one got the joke. Some even say the joke did not have a punch line at all, that it was just plain bad – but at least everyone remembered this awkward moment with the struggling “Einstein”.

Maybe it was because he had this weird obsession with the theory of relativity that he used to explain everything. Broken fridge? Theory of relativity! Missed deadline? Theory of relativity! Not enough money in the budget? Theory of relativity! Light of speed (sic!)? Theory of relativity! Indeed, he did not really explain anything with this theory, he just floated the keyword. And if someone asked for a further explanation how this might be helping to solve the problem, he just repeated it, and repeated it, and repeated it. After a few weeks people started to believe that Einstein didn’t even knew what the theory of relativity was about.

But maybe, and that was the theory the majority was going for, maybe it was just a sarcastic remark. As you might tell, Einstein was not that bright or intelligent. He did not even knew that much. So even for those who naively mistake intelligence with “wisdom” or even with its little brother “knowledge” – and if you really think that way, encyclopaedias must be the most intelligence objects in this world for you – Einstein was as bright as a black hole. Indeed, if you are around him for too long or even talk to him, you can feel how your IQ drops faster than your heart rate per minute.

© 2011 DerOlleSchwoebel.de | @doschwoebel. Administration